“He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.”
I want to make a confession that I really have had enough of you! You come at the most random moments of my life. When I am feeling great about life and myself. When I have decided to believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You see, you started growing when I was a little girl. When I didn’t think I was special. When I believed that I was a problem child. When I saw my mom always working and never spending time with me because she wanted us to have good things and live in good places.
You used many people to tell me things that only watered you more and more throughout my life. I wanted to be the all american girl, the cheerleader, the one that always got the cute boys to like her. Your lies became louder and louder and I began believing them more and more. How could anyone possibly like me FOR ME? I was always the girl that was willing to play with anyone. I would knock on my friends houses and want to play with them. I was known by many in my grandparents community but, at the same time I was always left out. Some people would want to play with me and others would not. I didn’t quite understand it? I didn’t understand why I was always treated like the black sheep?
Insecure in so many things. I didn’t think I was beautiful. I didn’t understand why certain things were happening in my family. Following the cool crowd I was sure to start feeling special and I felt that I would be cool too. Instead, I found myself lost, pressured and doing whatever it took to be in the crowd-Even if it meant losing myself. Even if it meant keeping you, as my friend.
As I got older I thought if I wore these clothes, did my hair this way, and hung out with this type of people, I would surely be secure-be liked. Insecurity, you made be believe that I needed to copy that instead of being myself. You always knew how to make me doubt myself. How when friends just decided to question my loyalty to them, I would question myself instead of why I should have been friends with them in the first place. I had friends who were the meanest of girls and were all about what you could do for them. All about starting gossip and all about making up stories to make themselves look cool. I allowed myself to be surrounded by such insecure influences. The saying "hurt people hurt people," well insecure people, in-secured people.
So many people would tell me how beautiful I was, especially my Uncle Les. He always knew how to make me feel so special. Like the little girl being twirled by her daddy in a tutu. The thing was he wasn’t my dad and I didn’t have a dad in my life. You surely, knew how to point that out!
I never understood why you worked me so hard. Why you enjoyed making me feel unwanted, unloved, rejected, shamed, and ugly. I got older and you got bigger. As a young lady, I would continue to do whatever it took to be liked. Lies, fabrication of things, anything to make people notice me. I always hung out with the older crowd, with the girls that were popular. Never did I think for a moment, that I was a blessing to others, that I was someone that was special to be around or have around. That never became a thought in my mind. Instead, you, insecurity made me question the very essence of who I was. who I was created to be, who I was destined to become.
Now, at 32 I write to you because I am tired of you ruining my life. I am tired of you coming in and making me question the very essence of what God said I am. What God spoke into me. What God worked so hard to build and heal. What he has entrusted me with, not YOU.
I have learned that insecurity is OUR failure to trust God.
So insecurity, let me tell you a few things and remind you of what you will not remind me any longer!
I am confident.
I am assured that there is nobody like me. That I am fearfully and wonderfully made. With no flaws.
I am not my past mistakes
I am not my fatherless mark but, the mark of greatness in God’s likeness., in a perfect father’s image.
I am not the rejection that happened to me in my life.
I don’t have to feel fear that my husband is going to cheat on me. I don’t even have to depend on what he says about me to know that I am beloved, that I am chosen, that I am favorable gift in God’s eyes.
I let go of what relationship did not appreciate me or that I blamed myself for- as a result, of them not appreciating the really beautiful woman I am.
I am not sorry for being a compassionate and loving person. Or that it even makes others feel uncomfortable. I don’t have to apologize anymore for being ME.
I have been created to be selfless, for loving everyone no matter what anyone says about them.
I also remind you, that you can’t live in my mind, in my heart, and in my life any longer!
I may not be a perfect mother or wife, but I am a great mother and a great wife, learning as I go. I don’t need to compare myself to anyone else. There is no one else like me. I am unique!
My light shines no matter what you think of me or try to make me think.
I am secure in God. I don’t have to explain that to anyone else, or ask permission to be free.
People will always have something to say, but I am reminded they speak from their OWN insecurities and I will choose to pray for them, forgive them, and love them anyway.
I am good enough!
No guy can secure me or complete me but, my JESUS.
I don’t have to work for anyone’s affirmation anymore. I have been approved, qualified, and accepted by God. He signed me off!
I am confident and will occupy every space you tried to reside in.
I don’t have to compete with other people, especially women. I choose to empower, encourage them, and show them grace and forgiveness.
I don’t need to compare my life with anyone else’s because I am exactly where my author and finisher of my life wants me to be.
This is my story and you are not part of it. You made me worry about what other people thought about me and now I know that what God says about me overrules that.
You have been a bad friend to many and have crippled the very essence of what God said that we are.
Now every chance that I get I will shine the light of truth.
Insecurity, you have been officially kicked out! I have overcome YOU!
It's not me, it's you,
My prayer for you today is that you would embrace all that God created in you and that you would find yourselves in Jesus and not in everything else. May you embrace the beautiful and uniquely made you.
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