The beauty of this blog is to be open, to be honest, and to share our hearts. If I am being honest, not everything in our heart is beautiful. Not everything is whole. Not everything is living. We hold on to some ugly truths, some deep hurts, and some dead ends. Why do we do that? Why do we encourage our suffering and fight our healing?
This last season in my life I feel I have been challenged spiritually in so many ways. Spiritually is not just a religious term, being spiritual is also how your spirit and heart is reflected to other people and in different situations. I have made it my new guideline to live a life of intention. I want to make decisions intentionally. I want to love people intentionally. I want to live intentionally. I want to serve God intentionally and I want to be purposeful in everything I do.
I would be lying if I said that has been easy, in fact, I find it has been one of the most challenging things I have done. When you go through things in life you find it is easier to deal with the messy stuff than it is to deal with the things that are beautiful. It is easier to self-sabotage than to have someone beat you to it. Isn’t that ugly? And don’t we all do it?
Of course we do.
I am going to be extremely honest: I have been ugly lately. Although I have been blessed in abundance these last couple weeks, my spirit has been ugly. I have harbored some anger. I STILL am harboring some anger, some pain, and left over hurt. I have this independent, prideful spirit that finds its way into my joy and some quakes that shake my faith. I am human. I hurt. I get mad. I yell. I cry…yes boo-who, snot dripping, red cheeks, and ugly face cry. I get ungrateful and hold onto some resentment as well. I get overwhelmed, emotional, sensitive. I think you get where I am going.
I had to step back for a minute and just really ask God to intervene in my heart. I have had to step outside of myself and ask people for prayer and advice. I am not an angry person and I am not a nasty one. I love people and always walk with compassion, but when you make a decision to be a better, you have to understand those tests and challenges are waiting for you so that you become stronger and better. Not to be broken, but to become victorious. Not to become harder, but to become compassionate. Not to gain pride, but to become humbled.
The MOST humbling encounter you will ever have, outside of God, is with yourself. There is nobody in this world that can challenge you, fight you, love you, and help you, but you! I remember having that season with myself when I first made my move to Tampa and although it was an ugly battle, I came out victorious. Some of the biggest challenges we face are simply cleaning out our internal closets. Just like spring cleaning, we too must re-evaluate our hearts, our minds, our spirits, and intentions in order to move ahead to the next part of our lives. The moment we lose sight of growth is the moment we begin to wither, become weak, and in some areas of our lives die.
Where do I/we start? How do I/we/you intentionally do positivity when you are drowning in negativity? We start with self-love! We start with truth. Sometimes you have to encourage YOURSELF! If nothing else…if nobody else…You have GOT to encourage yourself! When you walk in your truth satan cannot- CANNOT- use it against you! When you know you have some anger, you don’t pursue it, you REPLACE it! When you give it all to God, you don’t lose anything but you RECEIVE everything!
I encourage you today my sister. I send you hugs of comfort, shoulders to catch tears, and prayers to intercede when you can’t for yourself. You are not alone in change, and change is not easy, but baby it is worth it. I encourage intentional living. I encourage intentional loving. I encourage intentional evaluation in mind, body and spirit. Most importantly I encourage you to intentionally retire that super woman cape, take deep breaths, and enjoy today.
Love and Hugs! XO
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