June 1st is a day that will forever be printed on my heart. It was one of the best days of my life and also one of the hardest. One year ago today, I hugged, kissed, and touched the promise God had given me over 12 years before. My husband and I walked into her foster home, knowing that she was our daughter, as our hearts were about to jump out of our chests. It was love at first sight! We met our daughter when she was 19 months old and she was the sweetest little girl with the purest blue eyes. When I was there, holding her, I couldn’t help but be in awe of this precious gift. The hard part came when we had to leave and she wasn’t allowed to come with us. That was a very hard car ride home and I was a mess! God knew having a daughter was going to be a desire of my heart way before I even did.
“May He grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed.” Psalms 20:4
God knows us better then we know ourselves. He knows what the desires of your heart will be even before you do. When I think I have everything figured out, God reminds me that he knows me and my situation better than I do.
Our adoption story doesn’t start like most do. It begins many years ago when I was a young, single, college student and having kids was the last thing on my mind(actually, far, far, far from my mind). God gave me a glimpse of His plan for my life, when I least expected it. In the mist of stressing over what classes I need to take to get into a therapy program, God gave me a dream that would one day become a very precious desire. A dream that changed me forever and my outlook about my future. One night, I had a dream that I adopted a little girl, and that dream felt so real, that I woke up and sat on the edge on my bed freaking out that I had just become a mom. But God quickly began to speak to me in a soft whisper that I can’t explain. I could hear Him say, “I am going to give you a daughter and she will come through the gift of adoption.” Needless to say, I couldn’t go back to sleep that night, and that encounter with God would stay with me for the years to come.
God’s timing of when He shows us pieces of His plan sometimes comes when we least expect it. But He knows what we need to hear and what we need in those crazy moments of life.
Fast forward many years…
I am now happily married to the man of my dreams (who shared the same desire for adoption that I did) and a mom to three beautiful kids. We have two boys, who have stolen my heart, and a beautiful little girl who is the promise God gave me.
Our boys are truly special and I absolutely love being their mommy! They were so amazing during the adoption process and I have never heard them complain or ask why. They have only shown excitement and have welcomed their sister with open arms! God is so good!
It was after our second son was born, I began to feel the pull on my heart to start the adoption process. Actually, I was still on maternity leave, experiencing sleepless nights and the timing didn’t quite make since to me. But I was reminded that God’s timing is perfect timing and to trust him even when the circumstances don’t make since.
Fast forward another year…
We officially started the adoption process, it took us awhile, but God knew that it would. After much prayer and research, we decided to adopt from the local foster care system. We had to take many classes and get our home study completed to finally be able to adopt. The moment I had been thinking about, dreaming about and wondering about for over 12 years was finally here! We were amazed that throughout our classes we were told many negative things to expect during the adoption process, I knew God was in control, but I couldn’t help but wonder how our journey would end up.
Everything we were told wouldn’t happen for us did happen for us… and it did very quickly! All I can say is, when God is in control, hold on tight!
Okay, now we can talk about our daughter… a true miracle baby!
When it comes to adoption, timing is everything! We had only been finished with our home study for about two weeks when I saw her picture for the first time. It was April 19th, 2015 when our daughter’s picture made it on the Heart Gallery’s website. She was much younger than we had discussed on adopting, but my heart jumped when I saw her sweet little face! I immediately submitted our paperwork and knew it would probably be a long time before I heard anything back. Boy was I was wrong. The next day, my phone rang and it was the case manager for this little girl who I couldn’t stop thinking about and she wanted to get some more information about our family. The case manager and I instantly had a connection and I knew that this was bigger than me.
Let’s back up a second, when you complete a home study, you have to be very specific on what you want and don’t want in a child. Including, what disabilities you are and are not willing to have. These things are called “deal breakers.” Well, without knowing, this little girl was in the category of “severely disabled” and that didn’t match the preferred child description on our home study. So the fact I even got a call back from her case manager is a miracle. Our profile didn’t match this little girl’s profile but somehow they still wanted to proceed with us. Like I said before, God is in control.
So let me tell you about our little miracle! There was a reason this little girl was labeled “severely disabled.” The start of her life was anything but easy. Our little girl had fought the fight of her life way before we ever met or knew anything about her. She was born at 23 weeks gestation, weighing only 1lb 11oz, with very little chance of survival. On top of being a “micro-preemie,” her little body was highly addicted to multiple drugs. When she was only 3 weeks old, she underwent heart surgery to repair a hole in her heart. After the surgery, unfortunately things took a turn for the worse, and her tiny little body became full of infection. At this point, doctors again gave her little to no chance of survival, but God had different plans for this little girl’s life.
Okay, time for me to be honest and extra real…
There have been many times I have questioned God. I feel like we can all admit to questioning God from time to time because we can’t see the bigger picture. I had a hard time knowing that I wasn’t there with my daughter when she needed me. Why couldn’t I have been there, holding her hand, and telling her it will be alright? Why wasn’t I there when she needed me most? Why did she have to fight this fight? Why couldn’t I have been there rocking her to sleep when she felt so alone? Why couldn’t I have been there so she could know a mother’s touch? But again, I felt God softly whisper and tell me “but I was.” He reminded me that He knew her before she was ever conceived. He reminded me that she was on His mind when He told me about her in a dream 12 years earlier. God knew her and loved her before I even knew who she was. He was with her in the hospital and He is the reason she is a walking, talking, sassy little miracle.
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5
Our little girl had a lot of catching up to do when she left the hospital four months after birth. I am also truly thankful for the foster family she was given because they gave her everything she needed to develop and succeed. I can now proudly say, that she has not only beaten the odds, but she is now testing at or above developmental stages for her age! She has become my daily reminder that God loves us. Even when we can’t feel him, He is holding us in His hands.
Maybe God has given you a promise or a crazy dream and it seems impossible or hard to achieve in your current situation. Remember that God sees everything and that you must continue trusting on His promises. God places dreams and promises in our hearts for His purpose. He gave you that dream and promise for a reason! Stand strong and believe that this dream is bigger than you and with it, you have been given purpose!
“And blessed is she that believed; for there shall be fulfilment of the things which have been spoken to her from the Lord.”
God knew I would have a desire for a daughter, long before that desire was even there. He knew she would need a family. He knows each and every one of us that well, and always has our best interest on his mind…
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
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